Friday, 22 December 2017

Star Wars: The Last Jedi Review By Sandwich Hanisch

Star Wars: The Last Jedi 
Year:​ 2017 
Directed and Written By:​ Rian Johnson 
Starring:​ Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Adam Driver, Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, Oscar Isaac, Andy Serkis, Lupita Nyong'o, Domhnall Gleeson, Anthony Daniels, Gwendoline Christie, Kelly Marie Tran, Laura Dern, and Benicio Del Toro (and spoiler...Frank Oz). 
Tagline:​ “Rey develops her newly discovered abilities with the guidance of Luke Skywalker, who is unsettled by the strength of her powers. Meanwhile, the Resistance prepares to do battle with the First Order.” 
Rotten Tomatoes Score:​ 92% 
IMDb Rating:​ 7.7/10 

YO. SPOILERS AHEAD. FOR SURE. AND ABOVE TOO. TURN AWAY NOW IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT. You should really know that by now though. Like. If you read this, then get mad there’s spoilers, just do us all a favor and kill yourself because you're part of the problem that America is facing. Anyway, wow that was really mean for no reason. I want to start by saying I’m a huge Star Wars fan and I fucking love these new Star Wars films. I think we can all sit here with the same understanding that 2015’s Force Awakens and 2017’s Last Jedi are on a whole nother level of Star Wars film. They’re fantastic. That being said, here’s some of the issues I had with The Last Jedi.           First off, I can’t wait for the director’s cut. There’s a three hour cut that needs to see the light of day. We spend the first hour following Rey trying to get trained and then we skip over her story to when she’s ready and just shows up kicking fucking ass. What? Huh? Didn’t it take Luke years to train? It took all his might in the world to lift the X-wing fighter from the Swamp. Then Rey just shows the fuck up at the end of the movie literally moves mountains. Are you serious? And she just knows how to swing a lightsaber around like that now? (Also a big problem I had with the end of the first one that they actually address during this one) We need to see the struggle. I get she’s got untapped potential and like a legendary amount of it, but if being a sports fan has taught me anything it’s that potential doesn’t necessarily translate to talent and results. We need to see her trying because so far she’s just succeeded without any hardships. The only hardship was getting Luke to train her. 
         I did love how dark and gritty it went with Luke’s backstory of what happened to him after we saw him last. I love that he took everything so hard he detached himself from the fucking force. That’s pretty bold. And then comes back at the end of the film to some new level of Jedi Master that we haven’t seen yet. Like fucking Goku from Dragon Ball Z just discovering new Super Saiyan levels every 2 days, Luke takes the whole film to come back around to the force and when he does it basically kills him. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the example of a struggle Rey is clearly missing. I do not like that Domhnall Gleeson's character Hux is essentially just a punching bag for whoever else walks into the control deck. But that’s neither here nor there. John Boyega and Oscar Isaac were basically just other characters in this one. Fucking BB8 did more for the Rebel Alliance than any of them. 
         On to Leia. I do not like that Leia just uses the force. Yes, she was always connected but for fuck’s sake, floating in space and she able to Mary-fucking-Poppins her way back to the ship? Fuck off. And they didn’t kill off the one character who actually died in real life. They had ample opportunity to send her off appropriately and timely in this one. Even if they have some sort of Jedi Funeral Service for her in the next one, the timing isn’t right. They should have done it now. The perfect moment was when Laura Dern agreed to sacrifice herself for the good of the rebel alliance. And seven-thousand year old Leia was just like yeah good idea, you go do it. I certainly won’t. Like, didn’t bother addressing the elephant in the room. I don’t know. I guess we’ll see how they do it in the next one, but that left a bad taste in my mouth. 
          Overall, like I said, I would like to watch it again. And I felt it was a great film. But there was so much going on, it felt rushed. It felt like a Marvel Avengers film as far as character development. Three separate plots all feeding one overriding plot, except it was too much! Either leave it as the three hour saga it is or make this two separate movies. 
         That’s my take. I know people will probably drop some truth on me that I didn’t know. All I can say is I loved the first one so much (maybe has to do with my undying love for Harrison Ford) and I left the theater (the Dolby Cinema Theater) and just felt unfulfilled. After 2 hours and 32 minutes. That should be impossible. Rotten Tomatoes said, “Star Wars: The Last Jedi honors the saga's rich legacy while adding some surprising twists -- and delivering all the emotion-rich action fans could hope for.” I think that’s a little steep, I agree more with the 7.7 it got on IMDb. 
         Anyway. I know people may hate me for this, but who gives a fuck?! Thanks to everybody who reads these and to Drew and Terror Firma for putting these up. Hope everybody has a Happy Holiday, a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and I’ll see all you fuckers in the new year! 

General ​Shenanigans, Buffoonery, High-Jinks & Tomfoolery ​Written​ ​By​:  Steve “Sandwich” Hanisch 


Last​ ​Word  “This is not going to go the way you think!” - As the Buffalo Chicken Dip tried to explain the next-day ramifications to Sandwich.

Major Christmas Week Announcements!!!

Friday, 1 December 2017

Justice League Review by Steve 'Sandwich' Hanisch

Justice​ ​League 
Year:​ 2017
Directed​ ​By:​ Zack Snyder
Written​ ​By:​ Joss Whedon and Chris Terrio
Starring:​ Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Gal Gadot, Ezra Miller, Jason Momoa, Ray Fisher, Jeremy Irons, Diane Lane, Connie Nielsen, J.K. Simmons, Amber Heard and CiarĂ¡n Hinds
Tagline:​ “Fueled by his restored faith in humanity and inspired by Superman's selfless act, Bruce Wayne enlists the help of his newfound ally, Diana Prince, to face an even greater enemy.”
Rotten​ ​Tomatoes​ ​Score:​ 41%
IMDb​ ​Rating:​ 7.3/10

What’s up, bitches? Guess who’s back. Back again. Sandwich is back. Back again. Yes he’s back, yes he’s back, yes he’s back. I decided to come back to a movie I could watch in the Dolby Cinema Theater, hoping that would dull the blow of what I assumed would be a bad movie. What I feel I think is worse. Complete and utter indifference. Just like the majority of the acting in the film. But what’s worse than not feeling one way or another about a movie? It’s not good but it’s not bad. It’s just kind of there. A big, bloated piece of digitization floating in the ether.
Check it. One of the running gags in my podcast, The Ranting and Raving Podcast, is the fact that I love to watch bad movies. Sometimes I can’t help it, sometimes I embrace it. I do not understand how people love these superhero movies. I don’t get it. Like, I understand why I’m watching it, it’s because I watch bad movies. I don’t get the film buffs that watch and are floored and amazed and love these movies. I’m looking at you, Chris (my co-host, but foremost my friend, awwwww). The characters are paper thin, the plot is simple to a stupid degree and has to be over explained through PAINFUL expository dialogue and leaves you feeling empty at the end. It’s the definition of empty calories. And trust me, on a new diet, there is ZERO room for empty calories, people. From here on out, I will be going into specifics, so if you haven’t seen the film, but somehow have the balls to read the review, this is for you. SPOILERS AHEAD.
Full disclosure, I don’t know if this is a real spoiler or not but hey, guess what? Superman comes back. Yup. Shocker considering Henry Cavill helped promote the film and is among the main cast. So here’s the plot of Justice League. An ancient alien that’s super powerful comes back to destroy Earth and Batman has to assemble a group of superheroes ONLY TO DECIDE THEY NEED SUPERMAN BACK ANYWAY. Then they reanimate him using a mysterious power-box that nobody understands, but yet they understand it can reanimate dead, kryptonian tissue. Then Superman comes back and makes a fuckdoll out of Steppenwolf (guess he wasn’t born to be wild after all, huh?) and then the movie ends. There’s no sense of impending doom or dread because Superman literally isn’t even close to challenged by the main villain.
Oh, you want some positives? Okay. Um. Well. It’s much better than Suicide Squad! Not as good as Wonder Woman, which I didn’t love anyway. The stand-alone Aquaman movie has potential. Mostly because Jason Momoa has that leading man charisma but also because Amber Heard will be in it. Gal Gadot is just mind-numbingly gorgeous. Um. I don’t know what else to say. Honestly, it’s that ho-hum.
Let’s see what Rotten Tomatoes had to say, “Justice League leaps over a number of DC movies, but its single bound isn't enough to shed the murky aesthetic, thin characters, and chaotic action that continue to dog the franchise.” #Preach. Enough said. That’s exactly what I felt. I have no idea how it got a 7.3 out of IMDb.
One last thing. Call me old-fashioned, but when I watch a good action movie, it uses real stunts. It helps get you into the action and feel the anxiety of what the characters are dealing with. When literally EVERYTHING is digitised to an unhealthy degree, it really takes a lot more to get into the action, the story, character, everything. But maybe that’s just me. But it is increasingly difficult to get into action that’s clearly just little blobs of video-game-like graphics fighting. There’s no stakes whatsoever based in this world, and maybe that’s part of the problem.

General​ ​Shenanigans,​ ​Buffoonery,​ ​High-Jinks​ ​and​ ​Tomfoolery ​ ​Written​ ​By​:  Steve “Sandwich” Hanisch

Last​ ​Word  “I eat a lot of snacks to fill this black hole. I'm a snack hole!” - Sandwich trying to explain why the entire package of Oreos disappeared.

Prose & Cons Episode 1

First episode of Prose & Cons hits the network today!

A new show that takes an in-depth look at the art of writing. 

On this episode I chat with my good friend TW Brown about writing serial fiction as well as story development. 

You don't want to miss this episode if you are interested in writing professionally.